Monday, 11 September 2017

4 Basic Facts I Have Learnt In My Building Period As A Young Adult

I have gotten to learn so much in my building phase of life as a young adult. Well maybe it is because I have gotten to observe so much using my own life's experiences and that of others...so these are some of the important lessons I have learnt thus far as regards relationships and successful unions. 

  • Embrace your individuality:
So it would never be your spouses job to complete you. You would never enjoy your home if you continuously feel it's your spouse's job to complete you and make you happy. Oh, yes...I had always thought it's your partner's job to make you feel MORE whole and happy...but I am glad I discovered though a bit late that I am the sole determinant of my wholesomeness and happiness. 

No man or woman can ever give you what you can not give yourself...so have your life, do what makes you joyful and choose to be happy irrespective of your spouse's action or inaction. 
You owe yourself happiness, no one does.
  •   It's never going to be 50-50:

So it's only natural to go in and give in your best at least in the very best way you can and naturally want to expect equally. That's the way it should be naturally...lol.

Unfortunately it may never be  a 50-50 thing. Yes...many times that hard work from both parties in making things work would not be divided equally 50-50. Many times it is 75-25 , 55-45 or 100-0.  


So going in with the idea that it is an equal thing would surely get you resentful in little or no time especially if your significant other is impervious to what makes you happy.

Another school of thought which I also strongly agree with however says that the 50-50 expectation/ approach is what kills a union. It shouldn't actually be about a 50/50 thing. It should be about giving 100, not 50. When you give half and wait for your spouse to give the rest of the 50, thats where trouble start. 

So apparently, I have newly learnt to give 100. Just perhaps, that will help your significant other give back 100 (anyways, its a maybe thing). Who knows maybe your other 50% that is missing when you give only 50% is perhaps the reason of the unhappiness. 

So give in your 100 and see the result. You just wouldn't know until you try and if nothing changes, well that's the cross you deliberately chose to bear so get ready to carry it.
  • Any successful union is a product of hard work:

I have grown and gotten to see  and observe even as a product of an OK marriage that the stuff is real hard work. I always shake my head at people that claim marriage is easy, even more so when they say that it's a lie that it's hard work. Comments like that are no surprise why people get divorced easily this days. 

So you find out that these days the people in the union face one single problem and give up on everything in a split second...lol. In-fact we quickly try to convince ourselves that it's because of x, y and z and then blame the other person because it's the easiest thing to do.

Well the good news I have gotten to learn is that if you don't put the work into your union, it will fail. I mean its like your job and career, you cannot put in work in applying and preparing for the job interview and then get the job only to then treat it like it's a waste of your time. 

No, you would have to show up every day, work hard, and get paid. And so it is when you enter the union (get the job), the real work has just begun if you must get the reward (success of the union as against salary in this case).
  • It's not how short or long the dating period is:

I have seen people who dated for eleven (11) years have troublesome homes and people who dated for two (2) weeks have the best of homes. There is really no formula to it. I mean the logical stuff is to expect that the people who have spent 11 years together would have a better understanding of themselves...but then I would never be able to explain what happened in such cases...lol.

So what I think is most important is to seek direction, watch, pray and spend your dating period being practical and real with life issues...no pretense.

What you cant stand...speak up now in love...what you won't take in the long term...speak out and together figure out what works for you. Also learn to appreciate the good things you see equally and remember nobody is perfect.
  • Have your Basic Core Values/ Must Haves: 

Yes, I have learnt that you may just need to have basic core values if not everyone would look like it. What are the basic things you know you cant do without in any union? what are those stuff you feel you can also compromise on and wouldn't be a big deal if it were or weren't  present. 

I would try to give a little example...So I have met caring, selfless and infact almost perfect men who are far from having a god fearing nature. I have also met god fearing men who have most of the above qualities and also, I have met god fearing men who are absolutely...OK not absolutely, but 99.2% carefree. 

So it all boils down to what you really want and what you can do with and without. Truth is you may never have it all. Just remember to keep your values and standard at an achevable level if not your ideal partner may only be found everywhere but planet earth.

So What have you learnt thus far? Please share in the comment session. We just may pick up one or two things. Thank you.

7 comments:

  1. Great piece. I agree with everything absolutely. On point.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nice Piece.
    Just affirmed my thoughts that it doesn't have to be 50-50 at least from a man's point of view, it's never been 50-50.

    When I hear marriage is hard work, I get scared of the thoughts of settling down even more. Does it have to be hard work?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Waking up everyday to go to that same job is hard work...but we do it joyfully
      I think it's the same...it's a hard work you would be happy doing

      Delete
  3. Amazing piece... It expanded my thoughts even more, validated some of my views as well. I learnt that loving a partner 100% without any expectation might just be good enough.

    ReplyDelete

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