Saturday, 21 October 2017

Should Christians Really Engage In Dating?

This has always been a burdensome topic on my mind I have always wondered which is right or wrong. So please help me out here. Do you think it's ideal and OK for Christians to engage in dating or do you feel Christians should court directly and then marry??
We are all aware that some churches and religious denominations are against dating amongst Christians. Infact, some churches have a protocol where the man in question is required to report his interest in sister Kemi to the church pastor who then informs sister Kemi about brother Phillip’s interest in her before the pastor then gives them the required permission to court each other before marriage.


Fine, I understand the godly view that mere dating before courtship can enhance fornication, result in unnecessary emotional baggage and even sometimes be a simple waste of time. But I also feel that if  dating is down in a godly manner, then it is very OK. As a matter of fact, I believe the dating process helps you become aware of some of your potential weaknesses and enables you work on them in preparation for "marriage" from my own point of view.

I sincerely still wonder how some churches and individuals just arrange a man and a woman who have never even known each other as colleagues or friends or anything at any point or the other in their lifetime and tell them to get to know each other (go into courtship) and then finally get married within a Month. How does one seriously just jump to "fiance" or "fiancee" in a twinkle of an eye and then husband and wife in the next eye twinkle???

Being godly I believe is just a basic foundation ONLY that must be present in a Christian marriage but please do not forget that a godly person still has a wide range of "CHARACTERS" that needs to be subconsciously examined by their partners which would then tell if you both can survive the day to day living as husband and wife. This I believe is very important and cannot be determined in one month.


The truth is even in a normal dating case scenario, it is believed that both parties involved do not usually see clearly (see the shortcomings of their spouse) in the first three (3) months, Six (6)    months or sometimes even up to a year of the relationship. This is due to the chemical interactions of various "love" hormones in the human brain during the early phase of any new relationship.

Thus, I strongly believe that Christians should date, I mean run the fiancĂ© and fiancĂ©e (courtship) thing after they are already very sure of compatibility (after having DATED to check compatibility) and then ascertain beyond reasonable doubt that they can walk together and then get married.

So while some Churches may decide to cut off the word called "dating" and make use of only "courtship" which is also OK in itself, my viewpoint remains that we should be allowed to freely call it whatever we desire to call it because the truth remains that a courtship that starts void of a precedent dating phase MUST and would still undergo two basic stages (phases) as seen below:

Stage 1 - checking of compatibility in the courtship (which I believe should have been covered in the DATING phase) and then

Stage 2- ascertaining and concluding the fact that you both can be together (which I call the beginning of the actual courtship).

So what's your take? Do you believe Christians should engage in dating before marriage?? Or just go ahead with the very act of courtship before marriage??

5 comments:

  1. It's okay to date to get to know. When you feel like family while dating, it make living together later very normal no matter what.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well, as far as I can tell, it is only normal and absolutely necessary for Christians to date, And yeah... It may have its disadvantages but when under fair conditions, it is infact completely advisable.
    Dating is of course invaluable to any 'two'who have mariage in their future plans. It is an inevitable stage of heart-to-heart interactions, compatibility verification and personality evaluations. It is a time where you watch each other's animated impulses mature and develop. It gives you a glimpse of what is to come just like you study for exams and it is usually advisable to go on a dating period for at least 6months before taking any further giant steps.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So does Dating equal courting in this context??

      Delete
  3. Dating has been described as: a stage of romantic relationships in humans whereby two people meet socially, possibly as friends or with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a prospective partner in a more committed intimate relationship or marriage.
    While courtship is said to be:
    - a period during which a couple develop a romantic relationship before getting married
    - a relationship between a man and a woman in which they seek to determine if it is God's will for them to marry each other.

    From these definitions, we can infer that:
    -Dating precedes courting
    -Courting precedes marriage
    Each stage/phase has a role it plays and the importance of each therefore cannot be overemphasized.

    Christianity or not, it is important that people are encouraged to date first, get to know each other, learn to be friends, study each other's strengths & weaknesses deeply with an intention to know if you can cope/endure/enjoy the other person even with his/her strengths or weaknesses.

    I therefore recommend that all intending couples should date first, if they find themselves suitable for each other they can then graduate to the next level which is courtship.
    Note: At the level of courtship, third parties are brought into the loop. The pastor, parents, counselors if need be, as each of these people has a role to play in the entire value chain which one way or the other could translate to the success or otherwise of the relationship.
    *Support
    *Counseling
    *Prayers
    *Encouragement all come to play at the courtship stage.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks for the complete break down and analysis. You just completed it.

    ReplyDelete

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Should Christians Really Engage In Dating?

This has always been a burdensome topic on my mind I have always wondered which is right or wrong. So please help me out here. Do you thi...