Saturday, 26 August 2017

19 Facts on Challenges Faced in Early Phases of Marriage (No.7 would shock you)

Why exactly do marriages fail most times usually in the first five years? Shouldn't this be the period when all is new and the dopamine and serotonin hormones that attracted you to your spouse is still active? I guess it should be...but then one can only be left to ask what usually goes wrong??

I believe the single phase is the period to prepare one's self for a successful home and a successful marriage. I mean you really need God at the center.

A great mentor of mine David Olaniyi Oyedepo once said that he sat and digested thirty (30) books on marriage before he ever got married because he was sure it was an institution he was entering into to SUCCEED. There was no other option for him. He was willing to give it all it would ever take to get the result of success he wanted. Well I think his preparation paid him off in the long run. I don't think he would have been able to achieve so much exploits if his home was in shambles. He would have been broken.

It also surprises me whenever I come across mini books on making a great marriage my parents individually bought and read way before they ever met each other. Wow...you mean they had also been preparing way way before it was even time?

Another relationship mentor of mine Pastor Sam Adeyemi would always say "Get married...and then you would see that you are not as spirit filled as you think you are because you would need a stronger baptism for patience, tolerance and understanding". 

So please guys, let's do well to prepare ourself...to some men/ ladies who focus so much on career only, I feel it is really great trust me...we all have purposes we were created for and it's good to run in line with it...infact self discovery is key and it is needed before making a home...so it's very excellent no doubt about it. 


But I also feel it would be nice if you could give great time to improving yourself, developing yourself and building yourself in preparation for a great home now that you are single...it's much more easier now with you as the judge of yourself than it would be when you are married. 

Trust me, if your home is in shambles...you would find it very difficult to focus at work and your career would still suffer a great deal. Did  I mention that you too would be torn? Yes you would. Let's not even talk about the effect it would have on your kids and their future perspective on marriage/ raising homes, treating their spouses etc. you might leave them scared for life.

And to the married...while I feel it's a bit more difficult...it's never too late to learn new tricks...remember though no one is perfect...( I myself, I am not perfect...only my friends and family can explain that bit of my naughtiness....lol). But seriously I feel tolerance and discussing issues or offenses in words or even text messages if need be to reduce tension as against loud arguments is another great key.

So while I may not be able to give my practical experiences in this case, I would be sharing some basic but very true, shocking and genuine facts by Ocholi Okutepa (another happily married mentor of mine on godly relationships and marriages) on the challenges new marriage/ relationships face, how to understand this challenges and how to victoriously overcome them. So here we go......

By Ocholi Okutepa:
1. The fact that You just got married doesn't mean it's all going to be fresh- the job starts now.

2. Usually, the most "difficult" season in marriage are the first few weeks and years, so much rush, so much inexperience on the path of both parties involved.

3. Many people misunderstand the teething problems of a new union as a sign that they made a mistake! This is very wrong.

4. Most marriages are made or destroyed by how we handle he initial pressure of becoming a couple!.

5. Smart singles will expect that the early days of marriage should have bumps and potholes and would thus take a humbled heart to marriage!.

6. You must decide that whilst the differences of the early days are being sorted, you will trust the the intentions of your partner and keep faith in their heart! They too are as shocked as you are about the whole differences and adjusting...do not become a judge but learn together.

7. You would cry sometimes because this amazing "love" you married will not be understood; don't just cry though, pray and ask God for wisdom.

8. One of the error of young couples is to run everywhere seeking solutions from everyone when the solution is in the couple "growing and coming of age".

9. The marriage is simply exposing your "relational deficiencies" at the early stage so that you can sit back, adjust and enjoy the best!.

10. The st, 2nd and 3rd years in marriage only lays "relational foundations".

11. At this stage, pray deeply for your partner - they are also struggling to come to terms with being married.

12. As soon as Satan successfully installs regret in your heart about the union, the rest of your life is set in the wrong course of demotivation, pain, anger and all other negative emotions will take center stage!.

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13. Pause! Every marriage that became enviable was built from scratch by two (2) persons who struggled like all of us to understand their differences and to overcome it. So do same.


14. Don't give up on your spouse! If you do, the journey becomes longer and a lot more painful than you can imagine! Fight for the union.



15. Stop complaining, welcome to marriage where two adults in love learn to be two adults in union; get to work!



16. It is not gloom and doom but marriage is where you come to and have to lay your bed the way you want to sleep on it.



17. Choose not to be surprised by what surprises you in marriage! Be ready to learn and be smart. Choose to win and not to get drowned.


18. Make up your mind before going in or now that you are in, decide not to make it difficult for your partner! Consciously decide to be a better person.


19. The early years of marriage is like foundation laying and the other years of the marriage will be built on it; do not be ignorant of the devices of the enemy at this time. Anything that pitches your guts against each other is a direct demonic plan to end your union! So please be smart.


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17 comments:

  1. Great job Funmi!!! Very insightful.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is explicitly simple to understand. Marriage is an institution ordained by God himself so it's a spiritual work and it requires both parties to understand their respective roles.

    In addition to this, the game might change when the kids start coming...to combine this with the realities of career engagements also require a mutual understanding and respect for each other.

    Further to this...both parties need to have basic financial management and investment knowledge as it helps both to be good advisers as the income comes and they want to make some key decisions that bothers on family, friends and other obvious spends.

    Thank you for this expository message.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow...that was quite a lot to take in...thanks for opening things up from a much broader perspective

      Delete
  3. Thanks for another building block.

    ReplyDelete
  4. An Insightful Post!
    Reminds me of a story an early couple shared about their early phase in their marriage.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Wow nice writeup, marriage is an institution whereby a certificate is issued before entry.It's requires good planning and understanding. Marriage is meant for matured minds who are ready to accept each other fault and learn from it. The foundation of marriage should be based on God for it to succeed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow....you couldn't have summarized it in a much better manner than this.
      Thanks for contributing. Glad I could learn from you too

      Delete
  6. An Insightful Post!
    Reminds me of a story an early couple shared about their early phase in their marriage.

    ReplyDelete
  7. After reading this article, I realizes there more in marriage than it seem on normal phase of life, thanks for the building block and and and so many things I learn.......

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Samuel. I am glad this posts could impact us both

      Delete
  8. So much about marriage being based on god and spirituality. So what would you say to a non-believer like me? Since I don't pray

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow....I appreciate the genuineness of your post....Thanks...but you do bear the name Emmanuel and I am sure you know the meaning of Emmanuel. So why won't you pray? Please do.

      Delete
  9. I never gave myself that name, you know that. Take the time to read a little piece from my diary...


    "Some persons have been programmed from childhood to think of themselves in a certain way. Screening themselves through the eyes of their religious or other cultural orientation. In thinking thus, they lose the ability of knowing their selves as they exist now; a being without name or label, free to be and create."

    I was never given the chance to create who I wanna be, everything was handed down and that forged who I am today but self-realization is making me question everything about my existence especially religion

    ReplyDelete
  10. It's very interesting that you are going through a process of self realization...self discovery infact is key....So please take time to discover yourself positively and rightly continuously. See you at the top

    ReplyDelete

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